I am a (wannabe) actor stationed out in Pennsylvania and a huge aspect of being a (wannabe) successful actor is to be able to network yourself, as in, whore your craft, as in, prostitute yourself and dish on how many projects you've done, how many accents you can shit out and how good your impressions of the hottest mistake of the moment is. Pretend these people are your friends and you will get a break, is the general idea of these things.
So, I had gotten to go to one of these things and whilst there, I was reminded of a few college parties I went to. People came in cliques: musical theater actors, models turned actors, actors turned models then decided modeling was too much pressure and went back to acting....actors, Bright eyed Beginners, 'I AM AN ARTIST' actors, 'I literally have no other skills' actors (me), Bad Childhood actors and the one sound guy. Everyone, once arriving, picked their corners and their drinks and talked to the people that came with them the duration of the party. I went with a friend of mine ( falls into the 'I AM AN ARTIST' actor category) and while feeling totally out of place, I made up a survival kit that I wish I would have brought. Here are the items:
1.
Extra Money
You are going to feel self conscious here. Fucking admit it. This party will remind you of being a freshman and accidentally hearing about a party that you will stuff yourself like sardines with your other freshmen friends in a Jetta to get to. You know how to not feel as intimidated? Drink. Drink a lot. With the extra money you will be bringing, you can buy very many adult beverages that will give you the heart of the lion (and make every song they play at the venue your favorite). This magical tonic will allow you to go up to these cliques uninhibited and attempt to break barriers by talking about "the business" in New York and try to relate by talking about the most hilarious cat video on YouTube. You will be successful in this and be able to measure it by how many acty business cards you got.
2.
Two Sets of Business Cards
When you're an actor, you are your business. And what totally legit business doesn't have business cards? Why two sets of business cards, you ask? Because, as I have mentioned above, there will be people getting drunk as well. Either they suffer from intimidation and just need a little nudge or they are really fucking bored and want to spice up the evening with some Martinis but there will be that one person who can't handle it. The one creepy ass dude or slurry, slutty drunk girl that wants to get in your pants and "Help you out because they see that you have some real talent (the both of you....because they are seeing double, get it?) and they are writing a movie that you fit this one character SOOO PERFECT and if they could bum a cigarette, that would be really cool". If this person doesn't leave you alone and you know that if you give up your digits, they WILL call you immediately after you leave the party (You can tell if you are meeting that person by their eye focusing problem),
you give them the card with just your email on it. That way, you aren't being a total jerk off and giving out a false info or even shittier, the rejection hotline number. I have been caught giving fake digits before... I don't want to talk about it.
3.
A False Sense of Superiority
I cannot stress enough how important you are. You are the shit. You are the next fucking Gary Oldman or Robin Williams when he's doing a serious role. That tv show you were an extra on? Yeah, Friday Night Lights. You were the best fucking background EVER. You sat in those bleachers like nobody's business. They didn't film your side because they didn't want you to upstage the main actors. Everyone needs to know how amazing you are and you should be the one to tell them. Being hammered will add to your believability.
4.
Pictures of Your Mom
5.
Conversation Topics/Starters
This is actually good material for any sort of social setting. If you see someone that you would wish to converse with, you will need a sweet opener to get their attention and pretty much let them know all about you and how the conversation with you will be rewarding in their life. I start with something everyone can relate to and something I am passionate about: child obesity. (I got nothing.) Next, an attention getter; danger is something no one can ignore. Use volcanoes. And lastly, an action: biking to the store. Now, put it all together. "Volcanoes erupted while I was bike riding to the store with my child obesity." You will be the most talked about person at the party! Congratulations, Mr. Popular
What are some things I missed?
